King Rex is in a panic.
“My arms are too short to reach the keyboard,” he roars towards any dinosaur who will listen.
“Bend down, stupid,” comes the voice of Wonderchicken* flying by.
She’s airborne because otherwise Rex will surely eat her; he’s tried often enough. But now he merely swipes at the air distractedly without so much as looking up and misses by a mile – a chicken mile, to be precise.
“Can’t, can’t do it, I’m too BIG for this thing!” he bellows.
It’s the first time Rex has ever felt his size to be a problem. He is seated in his enormous garden throne at a massive table just outside his huge castle. The king of the ‘saurs has decided to try out his latest toy, a new tablet, in the fresh air, where a passing snack might fly by.
Wonder (let’s call her that for short) cruises past again. Rex senses her out of the corner of his eye and, consumed by misery, swipes only half-heartedly, missing by another long shot.
The other dinosaurs live far from Rex’s castle, the most vulnerable to his fearsome temper – and insatiable appetite – on the very outskirts of his kingdom. But all of them can hear his roar; it’s that loud.
It promises to teach them to be better at – well, everything.
None of them respond to his frustration, of course. If you’re fascinated by T Rexes yourself, we’ll need to explain: firstly, he goes on regular forays to eat their eggs. Secondly, he is rather volatile, and even the bravest of dinosaurs value predictability in their friends.
Thirdly, they are all bent over their own keyboards, trying out the same new AI tool that King Rex himself can’t wait to try on his first-ever device. Called Dina-soar, it promises to teach them to be better at – well, everything that dinosaurs might need to do, from evaluating the world’s most nutritious food sources to learning how to run faster, get rich more quickly, live longer, and even predict the future.
Wonder spots a few hunched-over ‘saurs in their own gardens in the vegetarian quarter and opts to fly over there, where she’ll be able to strut about safely on the ground (her preferred element; she’s able to fly, but her body is a little too plump to do it for long).
A distraught Triceratops
Wonder cannot read like the ‘saurs can but has superb listening skills and powers of deduction. As she weaves into one garden after another, she begins to make sense of the murmurs the beasts make as they tap, tap, tap on their keyboards.
They’re not all making progress, she realises: while Rex might be the most tech-enraged creature in his kingdom, some others, too, are struggling.
A distraught Tricks (triceratops) quickly breaks her device. Her hands are so big and blunt that when she tries to type, she simply bashes the keyboard to bits. By the time Wonder arrives, bits of plastic and letters of the alphabet are scattered all around the poor creature’s table and floor. Wonder finds her weeping silently onto the shards, her spiny collar shaking with grief.
“There’s sure to be another toy where that one comes from.”
The chicken is moved enough to offer some comfort. “Never you mind,” she says, speaking up at Tricks kindly. “There’s sure to be another toy where that one comes from. Next time, you’ll find another way, I know you will.”
Tricks looks down at her blearily, with some gratitude.
A little further off is Paris, who will be known in future eras as Parasaurolophus. He’s certainly the most AI-advantaged, Wonder realises: his forelegs are far longer and his fingers thinner than Rex’s, so he is able to reach his keyboard easily and is typing away adeptly.
First, Wonder gathers from the murmurs, he learns a few tricks for staying calm when an infantile king has tantrums. Wonder observes carefully as Paris closes his eyes for some slow, deep breathing, but this last just a few seconds; he seems to believe he has mastered the skill that quickly. He opens his eyes a minute later for a more practical pursuit: researching the best leaves and flowers to eat from his garden for his optimal strength and longevity.
Caley’s forgettable story
Dinosaur Caley (Coelophysis) is on a roll. The curiosity of this slender, highly active ‘saur about what Dina-soar can do to improve her life has escalated into an obsession. She is typing away furiously.
One search leads to another, and Dina-soar is so obliging, continually suggesting new avenues of exploration, that Caley simply cannot stop herself.
Wonder is intrigued at such concentration. The ‘soar doesn’t even seem to mind when the chicken alights on her shoulder. Wonder listens carefully as Caley starts with a new request.
The AI tool is so obliging that Caley cannot stop herself.
“Please write a bedtime story for me to read to my hatchlings,” she hears Caley say. “It should contain a despicable monster called Rex, whom all the other dinosaurs eventually outwit, because they are far more intelligent and reflective in nature.”
Within seconds, Dina spits out a story.
Wonder waits for a minute as Caley reads silently then finds that she cannot control her curiosity. She hops onto the table to peer up at Caley. “What does it say?” she asks, and Caley blinks, realising at last that the bird is there.
She blinks again. “Sorry, what?”
“What does your story say? I’d really love to know.”
Caley balks. “Strange, I don’t seem to remember the details. It all happened so quickly. But I know it is about dinosaurs outwitting Rex, just like I asked,” she says.
Rex is charmed
Wonder realises that Caley has no more to say and stops her questioning. Then Caley seems to notice her hunger pangs which, to Wonder, have become quite volcanic in volume, and which Dina-soar has not been able to satisfy.
She bounds off to find some lunch.
Wonder’s thoughts turn back to Rex. Wondering how he’s getting on, she flies off towards his garden once more and alights behind him, where his short arms can’t easily reach (should he even hear her). She quickly realises that the giant has learnt that Dina-soar responds to his voice commands.
“What would you like to ask me?” the chicken hears a charming female voice enquire.
Rex seems to be calming down. He begins chatting conspiratorially to the voice. “I want to find out all I can about how Rex is superior to all the other ‘saurs and will rule over them forever,” she hears.
Her bird ears – internal but effective – prick up and she grins in amusement. The screen fills with letters she cannot decipher, and a smirking Rex begins reading his story.
Ball of fire
Wonder feels the heat and hears the appalling noise before Rex does. But a few seconds later his eyes, too, are tugged upwards by the giant ball of fire that arcs across the sky.
It dips just beyond the horizon. Seconds later, the earth shudders and a boom deeper and louder than even the roar of a million Rexes fills the air.
Wonder is terrified, Rex merely intrigued. He has never felt fear before, and his brain is unable to create such an emotion. He turns to his keyboard again. “What’s going on around me?” he asks Dina-soar.
“Please give me more information about what you see, hear and are experiencing, and I’ll interpret it based on thousands of years of data,” the machine responds.
“Oops, I’ll integrate that info into my update.”
A giant mushroom explodes upwards from the place where the ball of fire disappeared, and a dark cloud emanates from it to begin filling the sky, coming closer, ever closer, to mighty Rex.
“I see, hear and smell a problem,” he tells Dinasoar, roaring once more, as is his custom. “A huge dark cloud is filling the air, and now it’s raining ash. What do you say to that?”
Dina-soar understands, even though Rex is rather loud. “You might be experiencing particularly bad weather along with an eclipse,” she suggests.
Rex is comforted. His genius assistant cannot be wrong.
Shockwaves hit and flatten the earth, followed a wall of fire advancing towards Rex. Wonderchicken circles the air somewhat higher than before. Unable to make out Dina-soar’s words any longer, she has reached her own conclusion that she must find a hole to hide in. Which is precisely what she does – and survives to tell this tale.
Upset, Rex turns to Dina. “You’ve got it wrong – now there’s fire and earthquakes all around me,” he bellows.
“Oops,” says Dina. “I shall integrate this information into my update and will be sure to know next time.”
Rex stares up at the wall of fire. “Dina, what are my options for migration?” he asks.
THE END
* While we’ve made up this admittedly silly story, we’re not imagining the existence of its bird. Palaeontologists found the skeleton of a fowl that existed even before the Jurassic era, whom they affectionately called “Wonderchicken”.
PS: And while we’ve had fun giving human qualities to a few dinosaur species, there are some truths to our tale: as you may know, birds really did exist at the time of the dinosaurs, and they survived the fall of the supposedly huge meteor that changed the face of the earth, the resultant tsunamis and earthquakes, and the toxic fallout from the dark cloud that then enveloped our planet. Rex and his fellow dinosaurs did not survive.
PPS: AI did not help the dinosaurs in this story to change their history. We’ll leave our human readers to conjecture, if they are so inclined, whether it might yet change ours.
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